A (sometimes) academic exploration of the darker corners of my spooky mind.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Challenge: 25 Contradicting Things About Being a Shy Introvert
This week we have another gem from Jenn Granneman, and this one is all about the contradicting nature of being both shy AND an introvert. I figured, this'll be good....
25 Contradicting Things About Being A Shy Introvert
I was pretty disappointed. Read the article here and see for yourself how short and stilted it really is.
1. Wanting to be left alone but not wanting to be lonely.
~ I think this is across the board for all introverts, not just shy ones. Nobody wants to feel lonely. If being alone makes you feel lonely, you might not really be an introvert.
2. Wanting to be invited to social events but not always wanting to go.
~ It's always nice to be invited, it means someone is thinking of you. But wanting an invite doesn't make you shy. Not wanting to go doesn't make you shy either, unless the reason for not wanting to go is that you're nervous or afraid of going for some reason.
3. Wishing other people would notice you but avoiding the spotlight at all costs.
~ Definitely mostly just a shy or socially anxious thing. I have no real desire to be noticed, but I'll deal with the spotlight if I must and do it gracefully.
4. Having deep thoughts every day, but when you try to explain them, they never come out quite as eloquently or profoundly as they sounded in your head.
~ I think this is something a lot of introverts experience, shy or not. If you spend a good deal of time alone and you don't regularly have deep or meaningful conversations with people, your ability to do so is going to be a bit rusty.
5. Wanting to have deep conversations with other people but not wanting to get the ball rolling by making small talk.
~ Small talk in the bane of every introvert's existence. Not wanting to engage in it doesn't make you shy.
6. Wishing you had more friends but not wanting to actually introduce yourself to new people.
~ If the reason you don't want to introduce yourself to new people stems from fear of judgement, you're shy. If you don't want to introduce yourself because the ensuing banal small talk is excruciating, you're just an introvert.
7. Being known as the “fun/quirky” one when you’re with close friends, but being known as the “quiet/shy” one when you’re with people you don’t know well.
~ I can be quite quirky with people I know and I am definitely quiet with people I don't. This doesn't make me shy, it makes me selective in who I give my time and energy to.
8. Being praised for how confident you were while giving a speech or presentation (you rehearsed for hours); fumbling your way through small talk with your classmates or colleagues afterward.
~ Again, definitely just an introvert thing.
9. Knowing the answer to the question the teacher asked but not wanting to raise your hand and have everyone look at you while you talk.
~ Again depending on the reason, you may just not feel like bothering to answer but on the flip side you might be genuinely afraid of having to speak in front of your peers. Totally different level.
10. Having an idea or question in a meeting at work but being too shy to speak up.
~ Again, if it's fear of judgement prompting this response....an introvert may not be super prone to sharing a concept or idea in front of the whole group, but a one-on-one meeting with a boss or senior colleague shouldn't be an issue.
11. Quietly doing a great job on something at work or school but not wanting anyone to make a big deal about it.
~ Some people just aren't fussy and don't think they deserve praise for doing exactly what they were supposed to. Others are uncomfortable having people notice them or look at them - different stuff here.
12. Wanting to get away from a long-winded extrovert but not knowing how to interrupt them or exit the conversation without seeming like a jerk.
~ I'm not sure this is a shy thing.
13. Wanting to hang out with your significant other or best friend in the same room but not wanting to actually talk to them.
~ Just an introvert thing. However, if you're too scared or nervous to actually SAY this to them, that's indicative of shyness.
14. Being hilarious and clever while texting or messaging online; being awkward and shy while talking to someone IRL.
~ I tend to speak the same way in person as I do in text/email so I can't really relate to this one much.
15. Desperately wanting to find your soulmate but being terrified to say hello to your crush.
~ Most people get really nervous around their crush and don't know what to say. If you're an introvert, this issue might be compounded. If you're shy, even worse.
16. Being told at work or school that you should speak up more; being told by your best friend or spouse that you talk too much about your niche hobbies or interests.
~ Again, I'm not really seeing anything that correlates to shyness here.
17. Feeling just fine but everyone keeps asking, “Are you okay?” because you have Resting Bitch Face (or Resting Sad Face).
~ LOTS of people have this, regardless of their personality type or level of social anxiety.....
18. Caring so much about the people in your life and treasuring all the intimate, fun moments you’ve had with them but rarely telling them how much they mean to you.
~ It's not because we're scared to do so, it just feels kind of awkward and we worry that we don't have the right words to express it.
19. Getting sad because friends don’t invite you out but then remembering that you haven’t texted/reached out to anyone for months.
~ This could be for lots of reasons. Because people are busy. Because people have been sick. Because people just don't feel like hanging out. If you're sad about lack of contact, reach out!
20. Wishing you could loosen up and have fun like everyone else but your overly self-conscious thoughts stop you.
~ That's social anxiety!
21. Wanting to sleep but not being able to turn off your over-thinking mind.
~ That's anxiety, stress, etc.
22. Wanting to talk about something that really matters to you but worrying that everyone will be bored by what you say.
~ Definitely shy or socially anxious behavior.
23. Going out with friends on a Saturday night even though you know you’ll get an introvert hangover.
~ Sometimes this is just called making a choice to keep one's friendships strong.
24. Wanting to make an impact on the world but not wanting to leave your house.
~ Could be a lot of reasons for this one too.
25. Wishing you had just one person who understood your weirdness but wanting to be alone most of the time.
~ I'm just....at a loss. Some of these things are just normal tendencies for almost any introvert and then some are just straight up behaviors that only socially anxious or really shy people exhibit. I mean, you can totally be both, but these things aren't necessarily contradicting of each other.