But it did give me pause to reflect on something interesting. You see, I've come to a realization that I'm actually quite thankful for - I can't do retail. Just can't do it. Bright lights, open floor plans, the chaos of a million voices over a walkie-talkie, etc. It's not a work environment that's conducive to keeping my social anxiety at bay. It's also an incredibly overstimulating situation.
So I am thankful for now understanding more about myself and what I'm capable of.
And it's not Target. Goodbye red and khaki. We just weren't meant to be.🙀
But this is OKAY! You see, in the interim of finding another "real job™" I've come across a company that pays out for online transcribing and captioning work - and that's something I've always been a bit interested in. So I'm going to give that a go and hopefully make a little extra cash in between new job interviews and that painful three-week period before the first paycheck.
While on the subject of money and paychecks, it's really terrible to be broke around the holidays. I'm not an overly consumeristic person, but it would be kind of nice to buy some little decorations for our apartment - just a small holiday tree, maybe some pretty candles and ribbons, some faux fir boughs....simple but seasonal you know?
Problem is, we can't even afford to buy food right now. Not until next Friday, anyhow. Until then we're relying on the bulk jasmine rice I have and whatever noodles might still be hanging out in the pantry. No meat, no veggies, no sauces....it's gonna be a pretty bland week.
And I have to admit, I've become a little bitter and resentful, seeing so many adverts and images of luxury and EXCESS all over the place lately. Like, how many people had dinner with their family today and had so much leftover food they don't even know what to do with it? How many people like myself and my partner went hungry today? I guess the disparity is just a lot clearer to me right now...and I also know that once I get some solid work going again and we have two paychecks rolling in things will be easier. I definitely know that.
I guess I just wanted to vent. The holidays suck and often bring out the worst in me.