Wednesday, August 26, 2015

She Sums It Up Too Well


Autumn is creeping in and that should be making me ecstatic. I should be coveting all forms of soft black lace, oogling the black boots cropping up in shoe stores, and doing some early scouting of Halloween merch. But I'm not.

I feel like depression has such a hold on me these days that it's hard to care about anything like that anymore. When I wake up in the morning, my only concern with the nearing fall weather is that it's cold and I'm uncomfortable. So I dig for a cozy pair of sweats and the warmest shirt I have.

I don't feel pretty. I don't feel like me. And I don't feel like trying.

Certainly, I used to be better than this. But when my life has fallen apart so completely that I can't see any way of putting it back together, I don't have the energy to even care about how limp my natural toned hair is or where my velvet skirt is. I've even given up on waiting for the phone call I was supposed to get about a job offer today....because I don't think it's coming.

I don't read anymore. I used to go through a book a week, at least. I used to watch ghost hunting shows like a loon. I used to have vampire movie marathons. I used to write constantly and I always had new ideas for novels or short stories.

These days, I just feel drained. And I can't be myself like that.

I don't know what to do anymore.


  1. Hang in there. Please dont lose hope and if you do need to talk, I am here! You dont have to do this alone. If things get really bad for you, please reach out to a help line or a trusted friend. You deserve to not feel like this. *hugs*

  2. We are all here for you if you need to talk! Sending good vibes your way.

  3. Sending you best wishes and lots of warm thoughts. As Sylvie says, please hang in there.

  4. I just saw that video today, it is fantastic!

    I really hope you are able to get some help soon, it is really awful you can't get support! I have been in a bad place before and I hope you find a way out of it again! It is frustrating that circumstances like not having a proper place to live or income can make these things worse!

  5. I'm so sorry things are so dark. I really, really hope everything turns out and you can find some kind of support. It will get better, I swear, but until then stay strong. Really really wishing you all the luck in the world.