Sunday, July 26, 2015

I am angry. I think.

To be completely honest, I don't really know what I feel anymore. I've been on such an unpleasant game-of-life roller coaster that I'm all kinds of messed up these days. For the hell of it, I looked at my blog to see the last thing I had posted and was kind of surprised that the only update here is when I finally repainted my (old) room and got it decorated.

I don't live there anymore.

I wasn't kicked out, per se, but I think we were coming up on that point and so I had to get out. I lost my Walmart job in the bakery quite a while back now and ended up living out of a bag of clothes at my boyfriend's family home. That's actually where I still am. It's either here or on the streets right now and it's gotten to a point where I'm not sure which would be more tolerable.

You see, it's chaos in this household. His parents are getting a divorce soon and so are scrambling to get their house up to code and on the market. His sister is back home from North Dakota and dealing with mental problems of her own, on top of a weed habit. And the boy himself, I'm discovering all sorts of unpleasantness....

But that's neither here nor there.

Point is, I'm still alive and that could have gone down differently so very easily. Sometimes I'm a bit amazed at just how blithely I cheat death...

So here I am, sitting in the basement of a house in Chaska, MN, and contemplating job options and future apartments, because it's clear that living in this place isn't working for me. I'm nearly starving, because we're eating and living on one minimum wage, part-time income. I'm stressed out because I have no way of getting anywhere and I'm incredibly unfamiliar with this town/area. I feel isolated because I have no friends and no one's ever here....

And I've developed a rather unhealthy drinking problem.

So I may still be alive, but things aren't looking that great for me. Unless I find solid full-time employment soon and traipse out of here into an apartment I could be looking at more problems.

I want to say I'm sorry to dump all this here, but I'm not. This is my blog and I can post whatever I like. So....that's that. I guess.