"I love you," he says one night while we're snuggled on up the couch. And I freeze. Are you sure? I ask him. Why do you think so? I ask...
I suppose the simple answer is that he simply does. That you can't always control how you feel about people and sometimes these things just happen. You wake up one morning and realize you love this person and you want to be with them for as long as you can, however you can.
I don't quite know how HE came to his little realization, but I dived headfirst in blatant denial. How could I possibly love anyone right now? I'm still fractured and healing from past relationship hurts. I have all this personal mental health drama going on. Excuses, really.
Because I do love him. How could I not? He's perfect for me and I've never, EVER, had anything so good before. I don't want to much that up.
So things are happening. I'm FINALLY getting my job stuff worked out. I waited for two weeks on background check stuff to clear for a gate clerk position at a rail yard. I didn't hear anything on it, so when Maurices called and wanted an interview I dove for it. I think I did pretty well, but it's been a few days and no response from them.
Which ended up working out, because the rail yard got back to me to schedule a pre-employment physical/exam.
So let me break this down just a bit for you: the rail yard is about 30 minutes south of the town I'm in now, down by Snelling Ave in St Paul. The clinic they sent me to is just a bit south of THAT. So I got up at 4 am this morning and rode into work (same location) with my uncle. They I slept in the back of the truck for a few hours, woke up, and met up with a supervisor to get my exam paperwork.
I had two options after that, stroll up to the bus stop and catch the 84 down the street. Or walk. It was a lovely, warm morning and the sun was shining, so I chose to walk. I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, let's put it that way. The walk itself wasn't bad at all and I got to see a lot of the area. But I was dumb enough to wear my new work boots to break them in. About halfway to University Ave, I had rubbed raw the skin on the back of my heels. Ouch. >_<
Got through the physical and completely FORGOT to ask the nurse for some band-aids to protect my open sores. So there went some more ouch. I took the light rail from Snelling Ave in St Paul to Nicollet Mall in Minneapolis. See there's only bus that comes back up to my little suburb town and I had to wait a few hours for it. So like a dummy, I wandered around downtown Minneapolis and discovered a disappointing lack of green tea options at Caribou Coffee. But I got some writing and people watching down, so its not so bad.
The last time I was in this area was with Tyler, back in February for his birthday when we wandered the skyway systems. In the end, I'm SO GLAD we did that together because I had a better understanding of the area I was hanging out in and didn't feel the least bit anxious about wandering around. So thanks, Tyler. You help me in ways you don't even know about... ^_^
But in the end I made it back home, raw blisters and all, and I kind of feel a strange sense of accomplishment that I managed to navigate that all by myself. I'm looking forward to starting my new job soon, to the warmer weather, to the days when my work boots don't hurt me...to making MONEY! $$$
Things are looking better for me. Let's hope it stays that way. :)