Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Hard-Boiled Wonderland

~Murakami Haruki

So I seem to go up and down a lot, emotionally. I'm starting to wonder if maybe bipolar seems like a more apt diagnosis for me. Meh.

It's come to my attention that I do a lot of resisting and denying when it comes to the people who claim to be my support network. I mean, these are people who are consistent in telling me that they care about my well-being, that if I need anything they're there and that they love and adore me. I guess I'm just so used to being, well....used, by people that this sort of positive attention is really foreign to me and I'm not sure if I feel offended as a cover for being so uncertain or afraid of it...

But I'm trying a new tactic. Oni, from the local Goth band Geodesik (how's that for a plug) and also a new friend has introduced me to said new tactic. If it's not enough that other people are always telling me that I'm attractive or smart or creative....etc, that I should start telling myself that.

He basically said I just need to admit that I'm awesome and carry on. So I'm taking it a step further and using Tumblr as a way of promoting these self-affirmations. Today I posted a selfie that I felt particularly good about. I might do the same tomorrow.

I guess this week is about reminding myself that I'm not ugly and that everyone, EVEN ME, has beauty.

Next week I'm going to post some of my poetry and creative works around for feedback. This will not only spur me into possibly creating more but also less doubting of myself when others confirm that I'm doing a good thing.

I'm not sure what I should do about accepting that others love or like me - I spend so much time convincing myself that I'm too annoying or unwanted and that people don't like having me around so this is going to be the hardest habit to break and the loudest voice to silence.

Any ideas?

In addition to learning to love and accept myself, I want you all to know that I love and accept you as well. You are a beautiful human being, keep being awesome and thanks for reading this!

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like very good advice. Sometimes it's easy to know something in theory but it takes sooo much repeating to actually make yourself believe it!