Saturday, January 17, 2015

Thoughts on Being Desired....

*le sigh*

I just don't get it.

I'm not a particularly good person. I'm not terribly nice, either. I'm not outgoing, friendly, open, or approachable. That's just the way it is. I'm a private person, I don't often talk about my feelings, and I like my solitude. I'm a difficult person to get along with, I understand this.

What I don't why does this dude even like me?

Regular readers, you know who I'm talking about. You read about our first little date last Friday and what a disaster that was from my angle. I was incredibly surprised that he wanted to hang out again. So we did. Yesterday...

We met up at Target again and I got to ride around in his endearing piece of crap car. We investigated a local Antique Barn (one of my favorite places in town, honestly.) and then explored the quaint little downtown area of Buffalo. At least this time around I managed to utter more than a couple of words. We had a few honest to goodness conversations - I'm a little bit proud of myself for being less socially inept.

But he wanted to hold my hand.

And frankly, I just wasn't feeling it. I'm not a touchy-feely person to begin with (anyone who actually knows me gets this) and I've only been in this dude's presence twice now. That's not enough time for me to become comfortable with physical touch. Thankfully, he seems to understand. But I still don't get it.

For a guy who says he doesn't really want to get into anything serious now and with distance being a reasonable factor there...he's still pretty eager to engage me. I totally agree that right now things are definitely not in favor of us hooking up, so I've been behaving appropriately. Who knows....a couple of months from now I might just up and disappear. It's better if he's not too attached to me or something. Keeping it casual is definitely the best path.

Why does it have to be so complicated? Is it really impossible to be just friends with some people?

Fuck, I need a drink. 

I just don't get it.

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