Friday, January 9, 2015

The Run Down

So I had a date,...thing today. I'm still not sure what to make of it. It was interesting. Scary word, right?

This is how it went down: I woke up at 9 am and immediately felt sick. I was nervous. But you know what? I got up, got dressed, and even put on fucking eyeliner. Yeah, I took the time to make it even too.

Planted my ass in Target around 2 pm and waited. I walked off some of my nerves first, and then ordered a coffee at Starbucks. After that, it was the waiting game. I pulled out my book and got halfway into the first actual chapter before he showed up.

Turns out he called a few times, but since I had literally no signal the entire time I was inside the store, I had no idea. So he slides up and takes a seat next to me. And I thought this guy was cute in photos. Dude, holy shit.

And this is where I fuck up. See, I'm weird to begin with and SUPER awkward the first time I meet someone. I clam up, freeze up, can't speak half of the shit running through my mind, and I KNOW my behavior is totally coming off as rude and I still CAN'T make myself function like a normal human being. I'm a mess.

So essentially that's exactly what happened.

He chatted about anything and everything. I listened, and utterly failed to respond like a human being. But you know what....he took it like a champ. I don't know if it's just wishful thinking or hallucination, but he still seemed pretty into me. Like, as far as expressing interest in hanging out again or being a little bummed that I had the good sense to call it quits for the day and strategically retreat. Because, honestly, if I'd had no other weekend plans he could have carted me all over the cities if he wanted. And I wouldn't have said no.

So all in all, it could have gone WAY worse and I'm just gonna try to be happy for myself that I went way outside my comfort zone to do this. Because I don't regret it. I'm glad I met him. I totally want to hang out again. I want to let myself get comfortable enough to be my weird self and not constantly second guess everything I say or do. It's a process...

But I'm gonna get there.

Oh by the way, I totally wore the outfit that won the most votes. :)


  1. I have friends who have similar troubles, it is always hard when you first meet someone, especially when you just want to blurt out "OMG you are so hot!"

    1. I'm think, in the future, if he ever needs reassurance as to his attractiveness I'm just gonna go ahead and say that. Maybe he'll blush!