Tuesday, December 16, 2014

All I Want for Xmas is my Sanity Intact!

So I'm gonna be frank and say, I don't like the holiday season. I used to, like, a million years ago before it was complicated by unnecessary family drama, money woes, and work stress. I used to like it before I had to spend it with two different S.O.'s and their own bizarre families. And of course, before I fully understood the evils of consumerism.

But alas....this year I find myself with an unprecedented dilemma.

And it's called a boy.

You guys recall the panic from my last "actual text" post, yeah? All about this fellow. And here's the deal - I was pretty convinced these crazy feelings were entirely one-sided. But now I'm getting slammed by messages from him indicating a pretty intense desire to meet in person and see where things go.

Which has certainly piqued my interest....BUT!

The timing's horrible. Holidays have to be survived first. Mom's having knee replacement surgery after the first of the year. I'm still in recovery from two back-to-back abusive relationships - I'm in no condition to go rushing headfirst into something else, regardless of how fun and harmless it seems right now. So you see? Horrible timing.

And I'm not in any rush. Really, I can admit that. I'm totally cool with just hanging out with people and taking things SUPER SLOW. What happens, happens. Right?

My concern is that this will not be enough for the other parties involved.

So, on one hand things could end up escalating too quickly for me to stop or control, and on the other things could move so slowly that they stagnate and eventually fizzle out. I really don't want either to happen - so how does one find a happy medium?

So, to hell with my two front teeth (familiar with that tune?) what I really want for Christmas is my sanity.


  1. I personally dislike the idea of online dating. It's left so many of my friends completely traumatized by the experience. I just feel like it's way easier to manipulate someone if you start off using the anonymity and facelessness of online dating. I just know way too many abusive relationships that started online, so it makes me hesitant to trust it.

    I agree that this is horrible timing. Given that you yourself have experienced abusive relationships I am concerned that you're somewhat vulnerable, so I caution that you take this as slow as you possibly can. If he gets irritable and ditches you because you don't meet him when he wants to, it's already demonstrating that he's not a great guy. Only meet when you're ready to.

    I say this to everyone, online dating or not: try not to look at this as a potential relationship, getting hung up on the happy "what-ifs" can make you lose sight of important red flags, like if he's rude, verbally or physically aggressive, etc. Just treat it like a friendship and if something blossoms from it, cool, if not then it wasn't meant to be. I think above all the most important thing for you right now is to take time for yourself to de-stress. You'll be better prepared to handle the changes of your life when you've healed from your past traumas.

    Best wishes!

    1. He's been super awesome about making sure I feel comfortable with everything and I'm definitely not being rushed. Or rather, I'm not letting myself be rushed.

      I guess this wouldn't be my first time doing the online-to-real world dating transition, so I know all too well how different people can be in person. Definitely being cautious here.

  2. Personally, I wouldn't rush into anything. If he is a keeper, he would understand that and get to know you better. Take care of yourself first. Good luck with everything

  3. Yep, Christmas is crazy and expensive!

    Tell the guy you just got out of a relationship and want to take it slow, but I reckon if he is willing to take it slow and just have fun it could be good!

    1. Oh yeah, I made it pretty clear from the start that I've got some crazy baggage that I need to sort out and he totally gets it. Slow is good. For sure.

  4. If your drawing boundaries and saying that you need to take things slowly isn't enough for "the boy", then perhaps he shouldn't be YOUR boy.

    Try to relax and take time for yourself. I try to follow the lyrics of 'Christmas Wrapping' by The Waitresses. It's all about "Doing Christmas right this time" (whatever that means to you).

    1. Fair enough. I really do need to focus on myself this holiday season, so I might have to give that song a go and heed its advice. ^_^