Thursday, November 27, 2014

Fucking Tumblr

So I caved in. I made a Tumblr. Then I realized I needed more than one blog on it for different I have like four Tumblr blogs.

Feel free to follow any and all, if you please. I just thought I'd share links, since I know some of you use that site as well.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

When Life Shits On You

Oh Look, a wig!

A lot of new things have happened to me since my last post here. A lot of personal and not so great things.

Thing, the first: I broke up with my boyfriend. It's something that was a long time in coming and it sort of all came to a head now that I've made a sincere attempt to straighten out my mental health and look into a proper future for myself. The boy has always been toxic to me, but I refused to acknowledge it until I stopped to think about all the times he put me down, killed my confidence, or just generally didn't care about anything I wanted out of life.

It was hard and there was crying involved, and then he wrote my brother a FB message about how much he hated him (which was REALLY uncalled for) but it's been radio silence on my end and I'm glad for that.

Thing, the second: I got myself a job. It's nothing neat or fancy (and I actually kind of hate it) but it's a paycheck and I can start saving up whilst paying off things that need to be paid now.

Thing, the third: I'm taking my fucking life back! Which means redecorating my room, looking at colleges on the west coast, and making an OKcupid profile. That latter actually kind of made me cringe, but I did find some people I already know on there, so it's not horrible. I'm not looking for anything though - just to waste time.

Anywho...the holidays are coming up, so now my mission is to de-stress and learn to love myself and life again.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Basic Bitch: Does it have a Goth equivalent?

Unless you live under a rock (hey, I'm not judging!) you've probably already heard the term "basic bitch" being bandied about. But what is it, exactly?

1. Have you seen Mean Girls? They wear pink on Wednesday's, you know. Basic Bitch.
2. In line at Starbucks, group of girls are instagramming their Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Basic Bitch.
3. Lauren Conrad, and anyone who adores or tries to emulate her. Totally basic.
4. Some of Youtube's most popular beauty gurus are basic bitches - Bethany Mota, Evelina, Michelle Phan, etc.
5. That girl you knew in college who always wore her UGG boots with Victoria's Secret Pink sweatpants and had ZERO personality - that's your basic bitch.

So I got to thinking: is there some kind of equivalent to the basic bitch in the Goth scene? There is and I call it: The Natural Goth. For this person, Goth is the end all, be all of their being - everything about them is Goth. Stereotypically or not.

It's kind of related to the Gothier-than-thou type, but not quite. For the Natural Goth it isn't about being more Goth than someone else, but making sure they're Goth Enough for everyone in the scene.

Do you know someone like this? Were you someone like this back in the day?

How do you recognize the Natural Goth:

 Their tumblr is full of strobe light gifs of horror movie scenes or candles blowing out.

 They constantly complain about how Hot Topic used to be so Goth and what happened?

 They hiss at basic bitches they pass in the street - because it makes them seem so scary!

 All black. Everyday. Black hair. Black eyeballs. Black lips and teeth....the more, the better.

 Constantly telling everyone how Goth they are because they listen to *insert goth band name here* all the time

 They're always telling others how the Goth scene got started, like they were there back in the day.

 They subscribe to some alternative religion, like Wicca or Satanism, for more Goth cred. Jesus Christ is too mainstream, after all.

 They only read "Goth" friendly books or magazines. Same goes for television and movies.

 You never see them in anything other than Whitby Goth worthy style. All Goth all the time. Even if it's 90+ degrees outside.

I'm not saying that being a Natural Goth is a bad thing - it's totally fine if this is just how a person is, naturally. It can be a little annoying sometimes, just like the basic bitch, but essentially they serve as avatars for the community and as long as they're taking it seriously and not parading around like a Mall Goth, then what's the issue?

Disclaimer: The post was purely for fun, not meant to be offensive. If we can't poke at and laugh at each other once in a while, we're a really gloomy bunch. 

Friday, November 7, 2014

Mixed Emotions: Taking Charge of my Life

There comes a time (or two or three) for every girl worth her salt to stop and take stock of her life situation. This is a time when she has to really look hard at the things surrounding her and decide what changes need to be made.

The few of you who follow me on FB know that I finally got a job recently. I just finished my second week of work and got my first paycheck. It was an empowering feeling - my feet still ache and I'm still exhausted, but I'm being paid for it!

It feels like a weight has been lifted. Now I can start making payments on the things I owe - school, the state, etc. I can start clearing away my debts, both physical and mental. I feel like I can start taking care of myself again, that I don't have to always rely on someone else to keep me alive. And with that comes a heady sense of freedom.

I feel like, in a few months to a year, I could just pick up and take off. Save up some money, pay off a few debts, and then just go. I want to leave behind all the bad stuff, the people who are toxic to my well-being, the dead-end I'm facing in this small town - in this miserable state. And suddenly....I can do it.

But that also involves making some really hard choices - especially about letting certain people go and their expected reactions to THAT. I've gotten comfortable in my misery, I've gotten used to my depression and hiding how badly I want to never wake up again. I've come to accept that stress is part of my world view. But it doesn't have to be that way - I can be happy again. I can feel whole and worthy of goodness again. And if that means moving on and away from certain things, then so be it. I am the most important thing in my life and I need to take care of it.

So I'm at that point of consideration where I know things are going to get worse before they get better. It's a volatile combination of emotions.