Monday, January 13, 2014

Alterations on the Soul

2013 was a really hard year for me. I pretty much flunked out in two semesters, dealt with a lot of personal crap, and had to come to grips with the idea that my only method of destroying mental illness was to close my eyes, count to ten, and tell myself it wasn't real.

I just wasn't happy with myself. I wasn't motivated to do much of anything - school work, personal hygiene, social obligations, you name it. I avoided it.

My school therapist dropped me, saying I wasn't a good fit, and that definitely set me even more adrift. 

There wasn't really any way to salvage any of 2013. So I cut it off. I'm essentially going to pretend it never happened and start fresh. Right before winter break, I hacked all my hair off and with it the remnaints of my old self.

Goals for 2014:

This year I need to really step up my game in terms of university. I can't let myself slip back into a routine of skipping class and avoiding homework. I can't just shut this stuff out and pretend it's not going to effect my GPA (which is currently garbage) or my future in Japan.

So I took a hard look at how I operate best as a student. In doing so, I realized a couple of things: I hate taking notes and I get bored with lectures REALLY quickly. Especially if I do the assigned reading and pretty much understand all of the day's material. So I bought myself a Chromebook. This is a nice and light portable web browsing monster that has a TON of great apps for students, so I can take notes and browse Pinterest at the same time. Cha-ching!

In terms of consistently attending classes, my biggest hurdle is kicking agoraphobia's ass and actually hauling ass to campus. But now, with my (read: portable) Chromebook - I can just kick it on campus all day long and simply be in the right place at the right time all the time. My biggest problem with hanging out in campus was the fact that I'd get bored VERY quickly while waiting for the next class and so I'd just head home. Why not? My computer was there, coffee was there, food was there, MY BED was there....

Of course, now I can just hole up in one of the university's many buildings and again, browse Pinterest or blog for you guys to pass the time. And if that doesn't satisfy, I can just go ahead and peruse my notes and do my homework.


School is the biggest challenge for me this year. But I do have other goals, particularly ones that pertain to making myself a better person and becoming healthier, but those aren't nearly as interesting. 

I can talk about my hair though!

It's still short - I did a mohawk for the holidays and that was super fun! And just tonight, I shaved up the sides a bit more to clean up the ear area and trimmed up the back. Yeah, I got my own clippers now so no more need to visit the salon. Woot!~


  1. Wow! you are a short haired girl and it suits you so well!! Better than long hair :)

    1. I totally agree. No more hiding my lovely cheekbones!

  2. Your hair looks awesome!

    I got a netbook in my first year of uni, because I'm a weakling and couldn't have carried anything heavier and it was the best move I could have made. The new one I have upgraded too is even better because with a 7-8 hour battery life I don't need to worry about fighting for one of the very limited number of plug sockets in the library! I think your chomebook was a great move =]

  3. I had my hair cut short just before Christmas, also with symbolic resonance. It's strange how such a seemingly superficial act can draw such a significant line in the sand.

  4. 'Cutting off 2013' sounds like a great idea! Dwelling on crap in the past can never make anyone happy, and starting with the idea of a fresh start sounds great!

    I love how punky you made your hair look! It's like cute pixie one moment and total rock chick the next! I also love the blouse, I am a sucker for lace!

    Good luck for this year! You will do great!