Tuesday, February 28, 2012


I think you do it just to spite me.

One Item Several Ways #1

Remember this dress I posted up a while back where I said I would do one of those posts where I try it on a million different ways and see what kind of coordinations look best? Well I did attempt it earlier this month but I really only got four decent looks out of it based on what little I have sitting in my dorm room closet. 

Here goes:


Here I paired the dress up with some black leggings, striped socks, my trademark biker boots, and a pinstripe blazer I picked up at a thrift shop a while back. Not the best look, but for a casual day....


Goodness, these pictures really are shite, aren't they? Anyways, here I wore it with a faux leather vest, some simple flats, and a bit of statement jewelry. It makes for a great daytime look in the summer and transitions well for a night out also.


A little bit more school girl, I guess. I exchanged the vest for a ruffled black one and added some knee socks. A side ponytail makes it a bit girlier. 


This was mostly just playing around. I think of this fondly as Headmistress of Wonderland Academy. I really wish I'd had time to tease up my hair for this look, but as it was just a quick run through of coordinates I cheated and forcibly held my hair up with my hands. ^_^

Now that I have new dresses and things, I might do more of these posts as I find ways of coordinating with them. Stay tuned. 

Monday, February 27, 2012

Gothy Goods Haul

Like I said in my previous post, I did a bit of shopping over the weekend (or rather the boyfriend bought me lovely new things to make me smile) and I promised to post pictures. So here we go!

This purse is a $12 Walmart find. It's really cute and quite roomy on the inside too. I like how it kind of resembles an old traveling bag or perhaps a physician's satchel full of obscure looking tools.  Granted, it's a touch more modern and has some cute dangly bits hanging off it!

I also found a cheap pair of jeans whilst at Walmart and a pair of black trousers, but alas I completely forgot to take photos. I'm wearing the jeans today, however, and I think they're my new favorite pair. The button clasp features a yin-yang image of Egyptian-esque felines and there is similar embroidery on one of the back pockets. I adore cats....so naturally I needed to own these.

I needed to use my Target coupon as well, since it was a 20% off coupon for women's dresses and Target currently has the most darling selection of summer dresses, so on the way back to St. Cloud we stopped there and bought some stuff.

The first one makes for a nice and swishy summer dress, featuring a light and breathable fabric, and a sweetheart neckline. I really wanted the one that was blue with white polka dots but they no longer had that one in my size. *pouts* The second dress is a simple t-shirt style dress and it looks like it could be dressed up or down, depending. I've come to notice that I have a lot of statement pieces in my wardrobe and not a lot of basics, so these will figure in nicely to my rather sporadic closet. .

I know gold isn't the most preferred color in jewelry for us spooky types, but I'm really falling in love with this tarnished gold and bronze stuff. I thought the earrings looked delightfully steam-punk and the bracelet matched nicely. So I got them both!

I also managed to find some reprinted old novels in the "cheap" section. If you've ever been to a Target department store, you know exactly what I'm talking about. ^_^  Anyways, they had The Phantom of the Opera, The Scarlet Letter, and Secret Garden. So I got all of them. I need some decent books to read and as I'm a sucker for the oldies....well.....  :)

My first class of the day was cancelled so now I get to chill out in my room until 1 pm with some tea and a book. I'm rereading Gothic Charm School; Jillian Venters is quite delightful! ^_^ I need to make sure I keep myself happy this week, so in between busting my butt working on my Biology homework I'll be reading, writing, and watching fun movies.

Bonus pic:

I have an infection in the inner corner of my eye. Nasty, eh? This means no makeup this week. Ugh!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

A Long Weekend

After Chris showed up on Wednesday night, we went uptown to track down the Panda Express. It's one of the few Chinese places in St. Cloud I hadn't eaten at and I wanted to give it a go. I don't know if it was just me being in one of my moods or if the food really was just crap, but I didn't enjoy it. I might have to try again when I'm in a more forgiving state of mind. Perhaps once it warms up and I can spend the day outside of class wandering around that part of the city...

After that we went to the Pagan Alliance meeting. Silver taught us the very (confusing) basics about crystals and after that the whole thing devolved into a session of stupid Youtube videos. Although, if you haven't watched Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time....you should. It's pretty hilarious.

I also made a decision that night. I decided to skip the next two days of classes and go home early. Chris, rational guy that he is, wasn't so keen on this idea at first but he eventually warmed up to it and drove me back to Buffalo that same night. I spent the night at his place, woke up early with him, and he dropped me off at home on his way to work.

And thus began my four day weekend.

It wasn't all that eventful, but I did do a lot of venting and make a couple of important decisions. I'm going to skip doing any of that silly counseling stuff here at school and instead make a doctor's appt. and see if I can't get on some kind of medication. I know I have a chemical imbalance. Talking about my feelings with a complete stranger isn't going to fix that problem.

I did acquire some new pretty things though on Saturday and Sunday which I'll post tomorrow in another entry. The internet here is simply not cooperating. So that's all for now. I only have one more week until Spring Break and then I can relax for a bit. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I can hang in there without tweaking out! ^_^

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Bloody Hell...

I was going to wake up at 7 am today and go down to the cafeteria for pancakes. That was the plan. When my alarm went off I looked at it, shut if off, and then went back to sleep. I pretty much slept through my first class and didn't care. I had cereal whilst in my pajamas and only ventured out of the room to pee. Then I came back, made an attempt at getting dressed and cleaned up my room. I didn't go to class at all today.

It's...not been a good day. I'm hanging on by a thread.

My aim was sort of gothic-victorian-schoolgirl but I'm not entirely sure if I achieved it. I admittedly have a limited wardrobe here at school. 

Chris is coming up tonight....that'll be nice. He likes showing up for the Pagan Alliance meetings and has expressed interest in learning about the Norse path. I think that's great...it would probably suit him. That, and dragon work. ^_^

I've been contemplating buying a few new witchy books for myself as well. A few about summoning spirits and one about curses and hexes for the modern witch. I have no problem admitting I walk a rather dark path, but that's what I'm best suited for. I tried to do the love and light Wicca thing and it just didn't feel right. 

Oh yeah, I've also started packing up my miscellaneous things here at school to begin transporting them back home. I'm moving out of here in like two months and a week, so I might as well start taking the little things back so I can only worry about the heavy stuff. Like my TV. And that evil mini fridge. >_<


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A Personal Lamentation

Things are, quite simply, not going well.

The week started off pretty shit to be honest. I was kind of sick over the weekend and hadn't fully recovered by Sunday night. As usual the girls on my floor were typical disrespectful bitches and they stayed awake and giggled profusely all night. Because of that, Monday sucked. Still I tried to be as productive as possible and got a few things done.

Last night they were loud again. They sat in the room next door being obnoxious and somehow their conversation strayed over to the noise complaints of recent times. Technically, I AM the one who filed an anonymous complaint, but they don't know that and this is why I was so distraught. 

They've come to the natural assumption that I must be the horrible killjoy who wants them to be quiet at night and act like responsible adults. So it was about five minutes worth of snark about me and name-calling in my general direction. (Do you honestly think a loud exclamation of "What a bitch?!" isn't going to carry through my door and into my room?)

Look, I can't stand these girls but outwardly I've been polite, courteous, and nothing but respectful to them. It just galls me that they can't respect my desire to actually want to sleep before midnight. They've become outright hostile now and I honestly....don't know what to do about it. 

I know I've only got a few more months here and I can deal with the sleeping situation by investing in a pair of ear plugs but it's gonna be tricky navigating the murky waters of hallway encounters. It was awkward before, now going to the bathroom is gonna involve espionage tactics. I might have to forgo all use of the lounge microwave too....ugh. This whole situation just blows. 

I wish they would just confront me about it, let me deny everything and make a show about upset I am and how unfair they're being. I could at least then attempt to put the whole thing to rest....but these are GIRLS we're talking about. Catty, backstabbing bitches no less. 

*sigh* I give up. Maybe I should just spend as little time around here as possible. Then I don't have to face them. I could stake out a corner of Garvey for the evening hours or something. Chill over in Atwood. Read books in the library and attempt to tackle homework? 

This room used to be my safe space. Now I don't feel comfortable anywhere....

Monday, February 20, 2012

I don't write poetry often....

...but when I do, this is the garbage that spews forth:

In an ideal world
Everyone would be kind.
There'd be no hatred and crime
And everything would be fine.
But when I look around
I see sadness and lies,
so much hatred and fire...
I just sit and I cry.

Black March

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Post V-Day

Last night my darling boyfriend came to visit me here at school. I was a little surprised that he'd want to visit in the middle of the week, especially after a long day of work and school, but I had forgotten that he was quite interesting in attending the Pagan Alliance meetings with me. 

So after class yesterday I took the bus over to the mall in hopes of scoring some discount chocolates, since I didn't get him anything for V-day itself and we didn't celebrate the weekend before either. Target's stock was dwindling and I found mostly Easter related sweets, but I did manage to score a few heart boxes of chocolates for the family. 

For Chris, I ventured over to the Northwood's Candy Emporium, a cute little candy shop here in the mall. I go in there sometimes to eye their wide assortment of gummies, as well as to ooh and aah over their truffles. Yesterday I actually bought some. 

For just under $10 I managed to score two giant White Russian truffles, two smaller white chocolate ones and two dark chocolate truffles. Quite delicious. 

This is what I snagged at Target for the family. The bigger one is meant to be shared with whoever. ^_^

Chris arrived here on campus around 7:20 pm and we hustled over to Atwood, which is right across the street, to see which eateries downstairs were still open. 6th Street Grill, a small campus run burger joint, was still operational and so we got burgers and fries to take back to my room. After polishing it off, we indulged in a small amount of chocolate.

After that, it was off to the PA meeting, where Kitty showed us how to do a rune casting. Very fascinating stuff, though runes are most definitely not my thing. Overall, it was an okay night and I'm super glad Chris showed up. I even wanted him to sleep over, but he declined and departed around 11:30 pm. 

It'll be nice if he comes up more often. I get awfully lonely here on campus during the week, even with the occasional club activity going on. It's hard when you don't really have people to hang out with outside of class or clubs. Hard and kind of depressing. Oh well! 

Friday will come tomorrow and after taking care of the piles of homework I have, I'll be home free for the weekend! <3

Mom's Cat - Sassy

And here's a cat photo to lighten the mood! 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy V-Day. I date nerds.

In honor of my darling boyfriend, who is most definitely a nerd. And I love him. <3

Monday, February 13, 2012

Ugh, I want to die!

So I woke up this morning feeling so sick I could barely move. Like the worst cold and flu symptoms ever. And I had an awful migraine to accompany it. I don't feel so achy anymore and I've beaten the migraine into minor submission with a LOT of Excedrin. Still....today just sucked.

I didn't make it to any of my classes, so I was in bed with my laptop most of the day alternating between Facebook, working on a fanfiction, and finishing up an essay due on Wednesday. I mostly just wanted to bury my head in the pillow and die, but at least I made an attempt at being productive.

I really hope I feel better tomorrow.

And I guess the real reason I'm bothering to make a blog entry at 9 pm is because I have to get some more "woe is me" misery off my chest. 

*Just deleted a bunch of whiny emo garbage because no one here wants to read it*

So I guess....it'll just keep weighing me down. 

Oh yeah....Happy Valentine's Day.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Remember the Quadratic Formula, kids!

I had a math test at 9:30 am today. That was obnoxious, considering I slept like shit. I even forgot to set my alarm, so it's a miracle I woke up on time.  After that I had to sit through a Philosophy of Religion class that was practically empty - I guess everyone else wanted to sleep in too.

After that it was off to Bio Life, where Sue stuck a needle through my vein, from the inside. This is the second time that's happened, but of course the first time was a mistake and a faulty vein. This vein was fine, she just jabbed the needle in too viciously and too deep. Bitch. I don't like when she sticks me anyways, it always hurts. Tessa is good. I would prefer to get her every time, but oh well....v_v

Damn...this week has overall really sucked and been full of emotional turmoil. Thank the gods that tomorrow is Friday and I can fucking go home in the evening. But! I did try to cheer myself up by wearing something new. I occasionally scope out the kid's section at Target because I love the clothing that's made for the younger girls. Especially Gwen Stefani's Mini Harajuku line. So cute! >_<  And occasionally I find something that fits me, although it's usually an XL size haha!

It's neon green with black stripes and the skirt part has some asymetrical ruffle action going on. I paired it up with black leggings and my newer ruffly vest from Wet Seal. Pretty simple and comfy but that's what I was going for. I didn't bother with hair or makeup since I was lazy this morning and and I'm trying to let my eye area heal up since it's angry from using wet wipes to smear black makeup off.

Note to self: invest in a VERY GOOD makeup remover. Something non-abrasive.

That's all folks. Goodnight. I'm gonna work on a Joker fan-fiction now. ^_^

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Blood Money: a brewing shitstorm

Tonight, there's an event going on here on campus that is showing the pro-life bent abortion documentary Blood Money. Have you heard of it? Yeah, I hadn't either, so I looked into it:

This politically right-wing "documentary" about abortions and the secretive dirty acts by the Planned Parenthood organization is a film put together by those who very strongly oppose abortion and won't listen to any other views about it. 

After watching the trailer and reading the site: here, this whole thing reminds me of the debates I used to have with people who would NOT listen to the other side and hear each other out. So I opted not to attend this event on campus that will take place shortly. 

I'm a strong supporter of Planned Parenthood. I always have been and after they saved my life a few years ago I know I always will be. If it weren't for them giving me the advice and options I needed, I wouldn't be here right now. 

*And this is the point where I will end up losing followers*

I had an abortion in 2008. I was in the beginnings of a new relationship, where everything was new and exciting. We were practicing safe sex. And a few months in, I got pregnant. If recollection serves, I was about 19 at that time and scared out of my mind. I didn't want to be a mother. I hated kids (I still do, in fact) and I had PLANS! for my life, you know? 

So, with the help of my mother and this new beau of mine, I contacted Planned Parenthood and scheduled an appointment. I met with doctors and counselors; who examined me, determined how far along I was (5 1/2 weeks) and told me about my options. They didn't push me one way or another, just let me vent my feelings and come to my own natural decision. 

I chose to abort. I was five and a half weeks pregnant, so they gave me the medical abortion, which is a set of pills that release certain hormones, causing the uterus lining to break down and flush out. It was gruesome, like having the worst period of your life. I was sick for weeks afterwards and couldn't eat without throwing up. But I knew the side effects. I had made my choice.

My pregnancy was a little embryotic sac no bigger than a dime. Tiny. Just a clump of cells....there's no way I could wrap my head around the idea that I was killing a baby. That's what so many of my former "friends" tried to convince me that I had done, but scientifically that didn't make sense.

I was pro-choice back then. It's amazing how solid you think you are in your stance on an issue like that until you wind up in a bad situation of your own and have to rethink it all. And trust me, you do have to rethink everything. After all's been said and done, I'm still pro-choice. I'm just not pro-abortion.

It's a sad reality that many women wind up with unplanned pregnancies. In an ideal world, we could simply prevent that from happening and there would be no need for abortions. But we don't live in an ideal world, and so the necessity remains. We don't have to like it. We just have to let people choose. 

This was a very hard thing for me to write about here, and it's a very personal issue. I think that's why I opted not to attend the event. It hits too close to home and I'm already in a fragile state of mind. I don't feel like being accused of being a monster tonight. I faced enough of that back then....

I get upset when people demonize Planned Parenthood. They were there when I needed them. They got me through a tough time and even gave me free birth control after the fact. They're a godsend to low income families, especially those who can't afford health insurance. They do breast exams and cancer screening, birth control, counseling services, provide a ton of great information on safe sex and so much more. And most of this can be obtained for free!

Most Planned Parenthood facilities to not perform abortions. There's only one in my home state that does, the rest simply act as sexual health clinics and they do a damn fine job of it. 

Anyways...I think I've done enough rambling and shared enough of myself tonight. Toodles~

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

New Doomcookies!

I see I've got a couple of new followers. Greetings and welcome to my blog. It's not very interesting here, but I hope you'll stick around regardless.

I've got my next Depression Support Group meeting tonight at 6 pm. I'm really torn about whether I want to go or not because I've had a pretty rough day and I'm still having trouble keeping it together. Every time I start thinking about what it was that initially set me off today, I start bawling. So....sheer willpower is keeping my face dry currently. Sheer fucking willpower.

But my friend Catie might be coming, so I guess it's worth it to put in an appearance. I just feel so out of place with that group. With everything really. And I'm constantly under the impression that no one wants me around. Honestly....

Even here. Half the time I feel like you guys would prefer that this blog disappeared off the face of the planet. It's just a lot of whiny bitching and moaning isn't it? I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time.

Then again, I'm not really writing it for anyone but me these days, so I guess I can do whatever I want. I really wish I had the energy and enthusiasm to do really cool music or outfit posts or to talk about really interesting subjects. That's what the intention was in the beginning.

I wanted to write a blog about being a Goth in college. Surviving as a Goth on a mundane college campus. That sort of flopped hasn't it? Oh well....


Sunday, February 5, 2012

Goff: itz srs bznz!

If any of you darling readers follow the very sweet and adorable Amy from The Ultimate Goth Guide, you'll know that very recently she acquired her very own personal Elitist Goth Stalker/Douchebag! This person started off posting anonymous comments on her posts basically telling her she didn't know what she was talking about, and wasn't a "real Goth" for this reason or that. 

Be that as it may, Amy is entitled to be whoever/however she wants. This person though, can't seem to get that through their head, and seems to consistently imply that if you aren't completely spooky, old-school, and shitting bats nonstop that you can't possibly be a real Goth. 

To make matters worse, this pitiful little individual then went on to make a blog that responded to and insulted every post that Amy made. You can see the polar opposite of Amy's blog here: Pile of Shit.

Now, you can't exactly nail a person and get their blog deleted for libel/slander (which I find strange since the US does have such laws to deal with this sort of thing) however, we could certainly go after him for hate speech. So, if and when you decide to report this useless waste of oxygen, go ahead and report them for hate speech. We'll see what can be done. 

I'm almost certain that if that person finds my blog, I'll end up as fodder for his pointless insults. Which is fine, no one really takes him seriously anyhow. He certainly can't fault me for being "not Goth enough" since I don't actively claim to be Goth anyways...and he can say all he wants about me being lame for defending Amy. I don't know her personally, but she seems like a very nice person and I feel it is my moral obligation to help in standing up for her. I would expect any other civilized person to do the same for me. 

So go ahead Douchebag, make my millenium! 

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

One Item: Ten Coordinates

You know, as I recall....I was going to take photos of my recent Target haul and show you the cute things I bought last weekend right? Well, I will get around to it, but in a different way. I want to try doing a couple of interesting fashion-based posts. And I want to make them interesting, so I'm going to do one of those One Time Ten Ways sort of themes. 

The item chosen for my first of such entries is this little number I picked up at Target:

A slim fitting sleeveless dress that ends just above the knee. It's gray with pieces of black fabric sewn on to make stripes that tend to go in quite random directions, as you can see.

Stay tuned, in a few days I'll put up the post with me wearing this dress ten different ways! ^_^

Monthly Theme Post: Rings!

Participating in Sophistique Noir's monthly theme post event, here's my entry for RINGS!

On this hand: The first ring kind of looks like leaves and crystals tossed in together. A very "fantasy" feel to it. The second ring is a cameo style ring, the third on is an adorable octopus, and the last one is just colorful rhinestones, but it's quite comfy!

On hand the second: We've got my butterfly thumb ring, my owl ring, an opal ring, a vintage silver ring from my grandmother, and a crown ring.

And lastly, my giant rose ring with gold trim!