I realize I haven't been talking much about my actual school life in this blog, mostly because it's actually pretty boring and partly because I don't know how much information to share and with whom. Ah fuck it, anyone who observes me for longer than five minutes could probably pick this stuff up.
It's Tuesday. Tuesday's are my worst days out of the week, without fail. This Tuesday is honestly the first time I haven't had a little mental breakdown. Usually, sometime in the afternoon when I'm all alone, I sit in the room and cry. I cry about how lonely I am. I cry about how frustrated I am at all the things not going right. I cry because I miss my family and my boyfriend. I cry because I think I'm too weird to make friends and yet I don't want to give up who I am. I'm not a sellout. So I sit in the crossroads and cry.
I've been staying on top of my schoolwork pretty well and I'm actually surprised that I don't have more homework than I do. I guess I expected the workload to be a lot heavier. In some ways, I wish it was because then I'd be a lot busier and have less time to reflect on how things might not be going so well socially for me.
But....and I stress this...I'm slowly coming out of my shell. There are a few people I talk to here and there, some from my classes, others I know from high school (although they're seniors already =/ ), and a few that I added before school started. I don't hang out much with people though - differing schedules and all that. And then there's the fact that no one wants to hang out with someone who doesn't have a cellphone...I'm so out of the loop. If I could afford one though...I might get something just emergencies. And texting.
Seeing as my dorm room phone isn't working....>:(
There are SO many positives to being on my own like this though. I've always been a bit independent, but that's really being pushed to the limits. I've almost completely overcome my agoraphobia. I still feel hesitant to step outside my dorm room sometimes, but I can usually push through it easily, especially if I have a class to get to.
Going down to Garvey alone for food still poses the occasional problem though.
I go home every weekend so I get a small dose of normal family life as well. That's always awesome.
And things might be getting better for me in the Pagan Alliance. I'm actually looking forward to the next meeting, although I'm a bit bummed I likely won't be able to partake in too many off-campus activities or Atwood After Dark. Oh well.
Overall, things are going...okay. Could be better. Could be worse.